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June 26, 2004


I have been lazy. Wallowing. slowly going into hibernation mode. I have been taking excuse jobs to get by just enough to say I am doing something. I have been afraid to go for jobs that I should be able to get. I doubt my abilities and end up wanting to do non-jobs. Things I think will be easy, and I want to do them for that reason rather than because I have much interest in the job itself. Oh, I *think* I want that job sacking groceries at the local health food store, the small one that probably pays its employees just enough to keep the bike tires filled with air. I truly believe I want to work as a clerk in a holistic medical clinic. You know, the one that specializes in myscofaciabilateralmytosis, something throngs of people are clamoring to have done, donchaknow. Uh-huh.

A dear friend kicked my ass recently, and pointed out the decline in my activity over the past three years. I became slowly quieter, less likely to rock the boat. Most importantly, I found The Internet™ and exchanged all my real friends for pixels on a screen.

Now, now, some of you are very nice pixels indeed! and I count you as close as friends who never meet in person can be. This is still, truly, my Third Place. But I gave up some of my living to be here A LOT. I lost interest in doing anything too far away from my computer, and for too long at a time. Most of you probably regulate yourselves just fine with your computer time, but I didn't. It was my alcohol. My cocaine. The internet is the opiate of the masses, perhaps? So that is why I have been slowing down with my posting, at least for a while. Till I can sit here and post something and then not spend hours surfing. Of course, it takes me 3 hours to get through my blogroll and actually respond to posts with comments of my own. Nightly. In place of sleep and other fun things. My Third Place, The Internet™, became my corner bar where I would go and drink myself silly and go home and drop into bed. I hate admitting it. Oh and that job? I'm going to get one. Watch me. But first...one time through the blogroll?

Hello. My name is Alicia, and I am a blogaholic.

it's all about me, Life, Weblogs 06:54 PM | Permalink


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Tracked on Jul 1, 2004 2:22:09 AM


Hello, Alicia, and welcome to the club. Some of us are still not certain if the addiction is a problem. At least it keeps us off the streets?

Posted by: Doc at Jun 26, 2004 7:21:30 PM

I feel the same way, Alicia. Someone asked me how much time I spend blogging - an hour or two a day? I didn't answer, because it's like *freakin' all day long*! Unless I have something else I have to do or I planned to do - away from my house. If I'm home, the computer's on and I'm checking in. It's just sick. I need to leave the house more. It's summer - perfect time to break the addiction.

Posted by: leslee at Jun 26, 2004 8:56:19 PM

And I'm on the other end of that now. Which is I cut back to nothing. Miss the conversation with you dear pixels. And haven't a clue how to get back to it and still be able to maintain some kind of balance.

Posted by: mahala at Jun 26, 2004 9:09:43 PM

I think I like Doc's answer, that this isn't an addiction, it's keeping me off the streets!

Now to find a job that supports my habit ;)

Posted by: Alicia at Jun 26, 2004 9:09:54 PM

Mahala! I am glad you peek in, though! I miss talking with you too. Hope you are finding balance in all ways in your life.

Posted by: Alicia at Jun 26, 2004 9:14:53 PM

Giving up one for something else is an idea I can relate to. The personal freedom I gave up is now returning to me and it feels wonderful!

Finding a job must be difficult regardless of where you are, who you are, and what situation you live in. I've worked for the same company since february of 2000 and I know that there are huge parts of me that want to leave and find something better but, it's comfortable and there. I just can't complain that loudly when it comes down to it, or at least I won't allow it.

Finally, rock the boat Alicia!

Posted by: Joe at Jun 27, 2004 7:31:01 AM

Great post, Alicia, it definitely strikes a chord.
It sounds to me like you are having such a successful virtual life that it's making you feel bad about your real life. It's a matter of where your energy is going. I am NOT having a really successful virtual life, and I guess I should be glad. Hadn't thought of it that way.
I know that if you put your energy into your real life again that I'll see less of & hear less from one of my only faithful readers -- but I'd rather see you put that energy into your real life. I know you will be back! Winter is coming! :-)

Posted by: Nasreena at Jun 27, 2004 12:48:01 PM

Nasreena, I don't think I can, will, or want to stop being here completely. Whereas some people think this is a bad thing, I do see it as connecting with people on a level, making friends. I care about all you guys now, and would find ways to keep up. I just need to add physical world stuff in as well, and find a balance, get rid of this unhealthy pallor.

I have also found that if I stay away too long, I have too much to read to catch up! Moderation in all things, even moderation, I say!

Posted by: Alicia at Jun 27, 2004 1:27:36 PM

You want a job where you can do your blogging and get paid for it? Beef up your SQL skills and get a job doing database programming for a data warehouse. Large portions of my day are spent waiting for programs to run. Just make sure your boss isn't one of those "perception is reality" types. ;)

Posted by: *Name Hidden* at Jun 27, 2004 7:38:14 PM

Oh, yes, I do know the feeling.

It's like a virtual "Cheers," so the In-Anon (Blo-Anon?) analogy is entirely correct.

My posts have become sluggish, at best, for the same reasons. Also, it's summer, and not yet over 100 degrees every day, so The Small Child and I are spending my afternoon computer time outside. In the sunlight. Doing stuff.

Yesterday we spent three hours capturing and kissing toads, hoping to either hallucinate or find a Princess. We didn't, btw. Either one.

Obviously I am questioning whether real life is all it's cracked up to be . . .

Posted by: Anne at Jun 27, 2004 11:56:34 PM